Picture it: You’re on the coast of Spain. You ask if the shop takes American dollars. “¿Aceptas dolores americanos?” The shop clerk looks at you and stifles a laugh. You just asked if they accept pain (dolores) instead of dollars (dólares). Nice try.

I’d tried twice before. Once in Greek school—one month before Taki and his goats sent me over the edge. Once in TWA’s language lab, enough to get by on the airplane and around Athens.

But nothing stuck with me. I could understand everything, but I had to search my memory for words and phrases that should have come naturally. I had nothing left to lose by trying newfangled learning. And I had lost the perfect accent I had as a child.

So, I tried again, for the third time. Did I pick Spanish or Italian? Oh, hell no, I went right for Greek, with its alphabet and declensions. And I gave the middle finger to the written questions. I just want to speak it fluently.

I wish I had been conversant beyond Greeklish with Marika, my yiayia (grandmother), since she had learned the Queen’s English. One day, I stumbled upon an article discussing how language learning could enhance brain health. That sealed the deal.

First, I tried Duolingo. It hooked me on its competition feature, and I was all too happy to compete. Competition is disguised testing. I retained enough to consistently place in the top three and nothing more. Duolingo turns the textbooks into animated games.

Enter LingQ, my latest attempt. Steve Kaufmann, 81, founded the popular language-learning platform. He learns through acquisition—the same way children learn organically—and he has learned 20 languages.

LingQ lets me watch a video, read along in Greek, and click to see the English translation. I can import Netflix and YouTube videos and study topics that interest me. Learning in context was the game changer.

I remembered that Mel Tillis didn’t stutter when he sang. I wondered if singing would help with my accent. I downloaded some songs from Maestro in Blue, along with the Greek lyrics, and belted them out. It worked! So I imported more songs into LingQ and sang along.

I traded Alpo for filet. It took a lifetime to find what worked for me. No more “Kodachrome” for this kid.

Defiant learning. Breaks the norms.

I’ll never be the one who asks about the pain in Spain instead of dollars. And you won’t either.